The Almighty Belief Systems or Models of Reality
Belief Systems Can Be Eliminated IF….
It is our belief systems that cause stress anxiety, fear, pain, and suffering in relationships and life. But we have the power to choose what we believe and disbelieve. It is one of the gifts that we can give ourselves and it is at the center of healing and transformation.
When we learn to overcome and question our beliefs, we learn to live a life free of fears and stress that tend to get in
the way of you becoming the best version of yourself.
There are 2 different kinds of meaning on beliefs that are generalizations about ourselves, life, and other people. These meanings are the ones that most people are aware of, and they are the ones that stay with us and run our lives forever. These are beliefs like, “I am not good enough”, “I am not worthy enough”, “I am powerless”, or “life is difficult”. When you get rid of those kinds of belief systems you can literally get rid of any individual problem in your life.
But most people don’t see that as possible. It requires us to do something that most of us claim to do, but we don’t really do it. It requires us to eliminate ALL of the beliefs that cause a particular problem.
Let’s say for example that someone is a constant procrastinator and can’t seem to get motivated enough to get things done, anyone can eliminate 2 or 3 beliefs surrounding procrastination, but there can actually be as many as 15-16 individual beliefs that cause procrastination alone.
So to get rid of the procrastination, you need to get rid of ALL the beliefs that cause it. The same is true for each of the beliefs that you hold on to.
And the 2nd part of it is that there is another kind of meaning that we unconsciously and automatically give to events as they happen. As things are happening, there’s an area of the brain that is instantly activated and it provides an automatic meaning for the event based on past experiences that are similar. This is the source of most of our negative emotions and our stress around an event.
How Belief Systems Run Our Lives
I am going to give you a personal example from my life of how belief systems run our lives.
I was dating a man named Steve a while back, and in the beginning of the relationship things were great… until that first argument.
The morning began like any other, I sent him a text message saying good morning and asking how his night at work had been because he had been working midnight shift at the time. He replied by telling me about an altercation he had with a co-worker. At that point I should have just shut up and listened and allowed him to vent. But because I’m female I immediately went into nurture and protect mode. The “I can take care of you”.
The thing about men, and I know this subconsciously, is that they don’t like problems. Problems are obstacles to peace. Mean will take a problem and try to eliminate it immediately because they need peace in their lives. And they can only concentrate or focus on one problem at a time. They eliminate one problem and move on to the next to regain balance in their lives. They have a singular focus.
Women on the other hand, take one problem, create a dozen other little problems along with it, so that one little problem blows up and no one can solve it. Men do not operate this way.
Men also process mentally and emotionally different than women. They run things all over in their head and look for the best way to eliminate it quickly. Had I given him the time to simply work through it on his own, without trying to “take care of him” like women do, the outcome would have been very different.
The other problem that occurred in the moment was the meaning that I attached to the event. The more I tried to “help”, the more he shut me down, the more I took offence to it all. As he was shutting me down and trying to process his thoughts and emotions on his own, I attached the emotions of being hurt to it, and the meanings of “he’s not being fair”, “he’s not listening to me”, “and he’s not appreciating me”. I automatically gave meaning to his response to me.
But over time I’ve learned to change the meaning. I’ve learned that it wasn’t really personal or about me. I’ve learned that when you understand that there is an event, and there is a meaning, and you group them together as one, the meaning affects you. As soon as you realize that the meaning is not part of it, it’s something that YOU added, it all goes away.
Belief Systems and Meanings In Relationships
Often times in relationships we attach a meaning of “he/she SHOULD be doing this, but they aren’t, so they’re wrong”. SHOULD implies right or wrong. You should do it. it’s right to do it. It’s wrong not to do it. That’s our belief systems shining through.
Hearing certain content or responses at times “feels” upsetting but you need to ask yourself, “What does it REALLY mean?” And by that I mean, what do you know for sure as a result of this event? What do you know about your partner or the other person? About your relationship with that person? Do they love you? Do they respect you?
Getting upset is completely irrational because it doesn’t really “mean” anything.
The trick is to constantly be aware of your hidden belief systems and the meaning you are giving to things and ask yourself if there is any other meaning that is as valid as yours. If someone else were to witness the event, would they have the same meaning for it? Probably not.
So if other people can witness the event and draw a different meaning, then there are other meanings as valid as yours which means that your meaning is not 100% truth.
What gives meaning its power is that it ‘seems’ to be true. But an event is still nothing more than the meaning that you gave it. And this is a realization that can shift you.
So think about all of the stories in your head about your relationship with others, and about events that you have experienced. Uncover your hidden belief systems and models of reality. Ask yourself, is the meaning that you gave it 100% truth? If not, then detach the meaning from the event and watch it dissolve itself.
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