The 4 Levels of Love

There are 4 levels of love that we as human beings can be engaged in at different points in our life. We tend to drift in and out of different levels from time to time. But loving is a conscious choice, it’s a decision that you make and commit to, so you absolutely can choose to move to a new level that speaks to the soul.

Level 1: Selfish Love: My Needs Come First

This level of love is a baby love because babies love as long as they get what they want. You are playing at this level where if you don’t get what you want, or you don’t get love the way you want it, the way you define it, or the way you think that it should be, you get mad, get angry, you cry, you throw tantrums, complain, throw physical objects, or whatever it is.

You brew inside and you start plotting ways to get revenge and punish this person. That’s acting like a child, or a brat. And it doesn’t matter what age you are, because some people age but they never grow up. At this level of love it’s all about me. This violates the principle of putting your lover first. Love should be about selflessness, not selfishness. It’s only in selflessness that the spirit of life shows up. It’s where your soul connects to what you’re made for and that’s to love unconditionally.

If you’re loving and you’re mad when you’re not getting it back, that’s not love, that’s demand, that’s control.

Level 2: Conditional Love: You get yours when I get mine:

This level of love is horse trading. It’s where you love this person, and you do things for this person, but you’re either consciously horse trading, or you’re unconsciously doing it. Consciously you know that if you do that, then he’ll do this. Or if I do this, then she’ll do that. That’s manipulation. That’s not love.

If you’re measuring how much you’re getting back, it’s not love. That’s giving to get. True giving is from the heart. You give because you enjoy the feeling of making the other person happy, not because you expect to get something in return, or because you’re keeping some kind of scorecard that you expect to cash in on later. That’s not giving, and it’s not love.

You give to get money, power, a position, or whatever it is you’re trading “love” for. That’s the position of a whore. And yes, that’s a harsh word, but it gets your attention and shows you what’s real. And it doesn’t matter if you’re a male or a female. Anyone can engage in whoring for love. That’s exactly what you’re being when you’re giving to get. And we’ve all been there at times. Sometimes it’s unconscious. But you’re doing this trade and you can’t feel good about yourself when you’re trading. That’s not love at all.

Level 3: Unconditional Love: The Other Person’s Needs Come First

This is where love really is. This is where you give your love because it’s what you are made for. You don’t give it because they did what you wanted them to do, or they followed your rules, or whatever. You love because that’s what your soul is made for. To love without rules and conditions. To love through the pain. To love the darkest parts of your partner’s soul.

The love you fail to give, is the only thing you lose in this world. What we give, we get to have forever. What we fail to give dies inside of us without ever being breathing life. That’s not what we are called to do as human beings. We are called to love no matter what, from the soul.

Level 4: Loving Even Those Who Have Hurt You: Spiritual Love

This is more of a transcendent love, and one that I am currently enjoying. It’s not necessarily about loving one individual person. It’s about just loving because it’s who you are. It’s a soulful love. It’s a spiritual love and a oneness with everything.

It’s not about letting people abuse you. You have to separate the person from the behavior. You can love a person without accepting their behavior. At this level, what you have inside of you is a peaceful calm. There is no rage, or hurt, or fear. You just love. You understand that a person’s behavior is just a reaction to their fears and that’s the level that they choose to operate at. That’s their level of consciousness.

It’s like a Mother Theresa love, or Nelson Mandella, or Ghandi. It’s just love and wanting the betterment of all humanity. This level of love is alive inside every human being. It’s a choice. Because where there’s anger, resentment, hurt, revenge, or other negative emotions, there’s no love.

And I recently discovered this level of love somewhat by accident. I had been seeing an individual whom I opened up my soul to and loved unconditionally. He was operating from fears and past conditioning and he did a lot of things that caused pain. And I had spent a lot of time in pain, questioning everything and wondering what I had done to cause all of this. Trying to justify things like, maybe I didn’t love him enough, maybe I needed to be more, do more, etc. And then there came this point where I just made this conscious decision to love him no matter what. It didn’t even matter that he had left the relationship. I just chose to focus on the love, and to love through the pain and the darkness.

He and I were no longer together, and we were barely even friends, but I continued to focus on just loving. Not necessarily loving him, but just loving. And that love took on a more spiritual quality. Suddenly everything in my world began to change. I became more passionate about everything in life. I became more creative. And suddenly I felt more like Alice, trapped in this little house that was too small for me. And when I made that realization, on the other side of it came this overwhelming sense of peace. A freedom. A knowing. I suddenly knew what my purpose was. Everything just became more clear, more amplified. The self love was amplified. My ability to give love became amplified. There was no longer this fear. It was just an incredible peace and love and connectedness.

If you haven’t experienced this level of love in your life, it begins with a choice. Make a commitment to yourself to just love no matter what, and amplify that love until it becomes all consuming. Break through your fears because on the other side of fear is something magical and transforming. It’s a love that very few people experience but it is absolutely beautiful.