With the world of online dating sites rapidly increasing, too many women are getting used and hurt by men who are simply playing with their feelings in order to get what they want. The reality is that very few have actual intentions of being committed or building a relationship together.

how to spot a player
Image of two happy couples interacting in night club

I’ve had my share of dating experiences, and have been sucked in by a few very suave players. I’ve taken the liberty of talking to several other women was well about their experiences and together we have compiled a list of the most common things you will experience if you encounter a player in the dating world.

I also have the pleasure of having very close male friends with whom I can talk to about dating experiences and such and they will tell me straight what a guys true intentions are. They also tell me what to look out for. Who knows better than another guy?!

How to Spot a Player In Any Room

  • He’s dressed to the nines (even if it’s just sneakers and a T-shirt- he looks really good!
  • He’s constantly looking around the room and scoping out the place
  • He’s a smooth talker
  • He approaches multiple women with tons of confidence

Players have a lot of experience meeting women, which means they have gotten very good at it. These guys are not wired for long-term, committed relationships.

How To Spot a Relationship Guy In any Room

  • This guy is a little quieter than the rest of the guys in the room- he might be off sitting in a corner by himself
  • He’s shy and doesn’t approach people right away
  • He’s not a smooth talker, In fact, he comes across as kind of akward at first

These men love when a woman approaches them first because they are afraid of rejection so they often won’t put themselves out there. Don’t let this turn you off- it’s a good thing.

How To Spot a Player Online

  • He will make generalized statements rather than talking about you.  Could his ‘compliments’ be copy and pasted into his texts to another girl, or is he talking about is he a playersomething specific to you? If the man is vague in his conversations with you and doesn’t jump into what makes you tick, what your passions or interests are, or what you want out of life… then you need to honestly ask yourself if he’s truly interested in you.
  • He hits you up with things like you’re “too sexy/beautiful/intoxicating/ etc to be single.  He’s not just saying it to you, it’s being used on many others as well. It’s purpose is to undermine your personality by suggesting that the only reason you’d be with someone is because of your looks. It also clearly shows you what he’s focusing on. If every conversation is about physicality, that’s as far as his intentions lie.
  • He spends more time talking about himself than getting to know you.  To a player, dating is a ‘game’ that they can play to win.  If the man is truly interested in you he will take the time to talk to you and relate to you during your conversations, he won’t keep the attention on him to convince you how great he is.
  • He passively invites you places. His attempts to spend time with you will be weak at best. He will always be “too busy” or delay getting together (most likely because he’s with another woman), and his invitations will consist of a Friday night text asking if you want to get a drink. Chances are he’s had plans that fell through and you are his attempt at a backup plan.
  • He gets upset if you won’t have sex or spend the night immediately.  It’s not that a single man is likely to turn down the physical advances of a woman he finds attractive, but if he’s truly interested in building a relationship with you, sex won’t be his primary focus.
  • He will remember nothing about your conversations.  While some people have less than perfect memories and genuinely can’t remember smaller details about things you’ve talked about- if a man is with a woman he truly cares about, he will put in the energy to keep track of things. If your conversations consist of messages that you could insert other women’s names into the things he says and the topics of conversations…. you’re being played.
  • He won’t talk to you unless he’s trying to hook up with you.  Is he talkative, romantic and friendly as the weekend approaches or wanting to spend time together, but otherwise distant and can’t find time to respond to your texts? While he might be busy with work during the week, people are constantly attached to their phones and he will find time to text you back if he really wants to.
  • His words and actions won’t lineup.  Words are nice, but actions always drown them out. Watch what the guy does more than what he says. Words can be dishonest, but actions can’t.
  • He will avoid PDA’s like a disease. If you make it out on a date with him, pay attention to whether he looks like he’s trying to appear single when he’s with you. Does he want people to think you are his sister or a distant cousin? Does he want the waitress to think the two of you are work colleagues?  If the man is proud to be with you, you will know it.

How To Know If You’re “Dating” A Player

  • Communication comes and goes.  One day you will be texting for hours and all seems well, and the next day you won’t hear anything from him. Inconsistent communication is a red flag.
  • He sweet talks you immediately. Until there’s some kind of emotional connection, most guys won’t be calling you pet names like baby or calling your phone to say goodnight. If he’s calling you baby and telling you the things you want to hear right from the beginning, it’s a trick. He’s talking you into letting down your guard and trying to get you into his bed.
  • He always keeps you waiting. Has he agreed to a date and then cancels at the last minute? Does he constantly show up late? Does he avoid answering texts, emails, or phone calls from you? If this is the case, he clearly thinks you aren’t worth his time.
  • You have no idea who his friends are. You’ll hear him talk about his friends, boys and other people in his life, but you have no clue who these people are because you’ve never met any of them. He is clearly trying to keep his life private and separate from you. This is a huge red flag that he doesn’t want you to get too close.
  • Your Relationship Is Almost Secret. The two of you don’t go out and do things together publicly. Eating together consists of ordering from a take out and delivery menu, not sitting together in a restaurant. If the guy has no interest in taking you out in public, he’s hiding something from you.
  • You aren’t friends online. The majority of people have online social media accounts like facebook. It should be safe to assume then that if the two of you are dating, you should be e-friends online as well. If you have tried friending him and have been denied, or even blocked mysteriously…. not only is he hiding his life from you, he clearly doesn’t want to socialize with you outside of the time he sets aside for you.
  • You’re never allowed to go to his place. When you ask to go to his place you get a big strong N-O, then he is keeping his space and all of his secrets away from you. He’s definitely hiding something.
  • He only comes to see you late at night. If your guy is only coming around after a night out with the guys, or late nights in general, then you are nothing more than a booty call to him.

Ladies we’ve all encountered that too good to be true, sweet talker that always has the right things to say, makes you feel like the only girl in the world when you’re together, and looks like ‘the one’ right from the beginning. But you have to keep your eyes open and be honest with yourself. Women’s intuition is extremely powerful but we choose to ignore it. Don’t let yourself get played because you saw the signs but talked yourself into believing he’s not that guy. If any of these signs exist… he’s almost definitely THAT GUY.


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